Archives for March 2017

Where exactly is happiness located?

Our Declaration of Independence speaks of the “pursuit” of happiness, which is an expression that lends credence to its elusiveness. Happiness must be pursued because it is indeed an elusive and ephemeral emotional state.

A deeply religious person will tell you that happiness is found in God, in your faith and in conforming all your actions to be consistent with what you believe from a religious standpoint. That we stumble onto happiness on the road of religious obedience.

Our secular and highly commercialized society conveys the idea that happiness is found in things, that it resides “out there” in the world and it is your responsibility to go out and accumulate as much of it as you can.

Much of the literature that we read, great novels and poems that move us emotionally, express that happiness is found in romantic love.

But I can tell you from my own experience that true and lasting happiness isn’t really located in any of these places, as I have visited each and experienced just as much misery there as anywhere else.

Happiness is an emotion and in that sense it occupies the small amount of space located squarely between the ears. But if happiness is found in such an obvious and easily accessible location, why does it remain so elusive? Moreover, why are we told in our founding document that it is a thing to be “pursued” when all along we have the capacity to conjure it up simply by applying focused thought?

We talk about happiness being fleeting…that as soon as we have it, it tends to dissipate, dissolve or just disappear.

Why is that?

I submit to you it’s because our general ideas about happiness are all wrong.

If you think about it, the happiest among us are those who tend to be more concerned about the happiness of others than of their own, wouldn’t you agree?

The bottom line is that happiness promoters tend to be happier than happiness pursuers. And I have seen firsthand that this principle also applies to Costa Rica expat happiness promoters. Those who come and immediately get involved in things that promote the health and welfare of others, or of nature, or of the planet always seem to wear a smile on their faces that brightens the day of everyone they meet. Those are the expats you want to be around.

The reason is because the quality, or state, of happiness has a lot to do with our feelings about ourselves. If a person is focused solely on him or herself, it’s very easy to become discouraged and disillusioned. The more laser-like we direct our focus on ourselves, i.e., the more self-interested we are, the more apparent our imperfections, or those related to our circumstances, become.

We begin to realize that we aren’t the perfect specimens of humanity that we may have deluded ourselves into believing that we are. We realize the hard truth that we, or perhaps things, are sort of screwed up.

However, just as soon as we direct that focus to helping others find happiness, all those imperfections disappear, or at least cease to matter all that much. Instead we discover that despite them we do have the capacity to make a difference…to have a positive impact and influence on others.

This chapter offers the suggestion of being a Costa Rica expat happiness promoter by living each day with the goal of enhancing the experience of someone else.

In so doing, you just might find happiness, or a deeper sense of it, yourself.

This is an old blog post that I couldn’t resist but including in the book. It might give you a hint about what your Costa Rica expat life could look like…

I’ve not been “riled up” about anything lately, so my writing has slowed a bit. I used to watch Fox News (back when Costa Rica cable TV carried it) and that always provided fodder for my rants against the establishment quo (one of my favorite themes…railing against “the man”). But no more Fox these days. Actually I’ve been on a news watching hiatus, just enjoying my life here in PZ (Perez Zeledon) without really getting too riled up about anything, except Lily’s complaints about the heat.

That brings me to the subject of this morning’s post…you guessed it…raising chickens in Perez Zeledon.

You see, Lily really wanted a gallinero, or chicken house, in the back yard. And being the dutiful, and sustainably- minded, spouse that I am, I accommodated the request.

We gather four per day and with a household of four people, that equates, wait, let me do the math, to one per person per day. Of course, lately I’ve been on the “slow-carb” diet, so my breakfasts generally consist of three scrambled eggs. But, then again, I am “the man” of this house.

I’ve never had chickens before. Dogs yes, a cat once, and a few rodents here and there (I believe I once had a turtle), but never chickens.

They’re curious creatures.

After they pay the daily rent, we lock up “el asesino” (Dokie, our little “zaguate”…who’s a cross between a dachshund and a doberman…seriously), and let the chickens roam the backyard, giving full meaning to the term “yard-bird.”

We’ve only named too of them. Lily named one Dorothy (no idea why) and the other I named Dora (as in Dora la Exploradora) because, while the other three tend to stay together, Dora is always off somewhere pecking at everything, trying to figure out the general meaning of life as a gallus domesticus.

They really do seem to crave human interaction. Someone told me that chickens only have a memory of 15 minutes. I tend to disagree based on the fond looks I get every morning when I enter to feed them.

One thing’s for sure, having chickens has given me new-found respect (or repulsion) for eating them. It’s like those celebrities that claim they only eat the meat they kill themselves (didn’t Zuckerberg recently make that vow?).

Eating KFC will never be the same again. And raising chickens in Perez Zeledon means that I’ll never have to eat a store-bought egg again, if I can avoid it.

I’ll have to admit that sometimes life in Costa Rica gets under my gringo skin. You see, we gringos don’t live very contemplative lives for the most part. We don’t have time to, or at least we don’t take the time to.

There’s simply too much to do, too much money to make, too much pressure to bear, and too little time to stop and smell the roses.

That go go until your gone attitude is what built our country into the economic power it still is, right?

I think one of the greatest culture shocks for a gringo trying to adapt to Costa Rica life is that here things are just different. Here the saying goes that “hay mas tiempo que vida”…or, that there is more time than life.

Here things get done not “on time”, but when they, well, get done. It can be, to put it mildly, frustrating for the gringo with that go go attitude. The tico’s response to that frustration would be, well then, grin-go-home.

Gradually I’ve begun to adapt. To walk (and drive) slower, be friendlier, notice things, take my time, learn how to be patient, and to enjoy the present moment rather than always “time-traveling” into the future. Believe me, old gringo habits are hard to break, but I’m coming around more and more these days.

Getting the heck out of San Jose, like I did some 8 years ago, and moving to San Isidro de El General (or Perez Zeledon), in the southern zone, a place where the “pura-vida” culture is as alive and well as anywhere, has certainly helped.

Some time ago we fixed up an apartment we rented adjacent to our house to be used for my wife’s salon (or, “peluquería”, as they are generally called here). We hired my good tico friend, David Picado, to paint a mural on a wall where Lily intended to install a small garden.

Now David is the quintessential tico. He’s never in a hurry to do anything. Slow and deliberate is his manner. When will it get done? Well, when it’s done. And the end result is always very nice.

If you think about art in general, the artist performs his work slowly and deliberately, with great focus on the present moment. It’d be downright impossible to perform a great work of art, a masterpiece, by rushing to the end, wouldn’t it?

Of course, we all adore the accolades that reaching the end can bring. But those delightful end results might just never arrive if we focus too much on them, and ignore the process that gets us there.

In that sense, their way is a more artful way to live life.

I’ve gradually come around to accepting that fact. And to realize the importance of focusing more on the art of Costa Rica expat living.

Here’s a little more tico artistry from my friend David “Chino” Picado…un muchacho muy talentoso…

One morning I read a tragic story about a young woman in her 50’s who made the Costa Rica expat choice to start her life anew here.

However, instead, she ended her life.

I felt compelled to write something in response to this. Oh for sure, I could write a cliché-filled diatribe about how “Costa Rica is not for everyone.”

That you can’t escape yourself, nor your problems, here.

No shit!

However, the truth is that life can be viewed as either being filled with problems, or with potential…anywhere you might find yourself.

The answer never lies “out there,” but rather “in here.”

Okay, so much for avoiding clichés, but it is true, isn’t it?

If you are looking for answers to problems in a place, a relationship, a belief system, political viewpoint, drug, or by pointing a loaded gun at your head, what you will find is simply more problems.

This fabulously fleshy computer that God installed between our ears is quite adept at finding and magnifying problems…if that is where you choose to direct its processing power.

Have I been able to escape my problems in Costa Rica (and believe me I have and have had many)? The very notion of that question makes me chuckle to myself.

It all really comes down to a decision that we’re all empowered to make. Costa Rica provides a beautiful backdrop in which to make that decision. And it’s a place that can enrich that decision in many ways.

What “decision” am I talking about?

The decision to embrace life no matter what it throws at you.

To see the silver lining in every dark cloud.

To pass the countless tests of your integrity.

To love even when you feel unloved.

To sacrifice yourself even when you feel completely spent.

To be at peace when you’re alone with yourself and no one else desires to share their precious time with you.

To remain fond of yourself despite all the stupid and fucked-up shit you’ve done.

And to gaze upon the beauty that surrounds you, here in Costa Rica, or wherever you might find yourself, and know that there is a purpose to it all.

You wouldn’t be here in the first place if it weren’t meant for you to L-I-V-E your life in every sense of what that word means.

Anyone who has suffered in life, really suffered, has experienced the electrically impulsed image of ending it all slicing through the synapses. There is nothing weird, or even particularly alarming, about that. It’s quite natural.

After all, it’s a choice we always have, just like all the other choices the gift of free will grants us.

But it’s never ever the best choice.

Life beats it, hands down, every time.

So, instead…make the choice to L-I-V-E…

…Live to Love
…Live to Laugh
…Live to Learn
…Live to Leave a Legacy

That’s the proper Costa Rica expat choice that I hope this book encourages you to make.

Pura Vida!

For many years I couldn’t get enough of “self-help” from writers and speakers such as Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Stephen Covey, Jack Canfield and so on. However, my focus, often based on their advice, was on succeeding so I could have more…a nicer car, more expensive clothes, a bigger house, vacations to anywhere I wanted, etc.

There was always that glimmer of encouragement to “be more” rather than just to “have more” as exemplified by Zig’s famous saying, “you can have everything in life you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want.”

But even in that laudable phrase, there’s an underlying motivation of “having more.”

Much of what I’m advocating in this book is for a Costa Rica expat paradigm shift, especially concerning the drive for material accumulation. This occurred for me, gradually, as I was exposed to a new way of living here in Costa Rica…a way much less focused on things.

Of course the average per capita income of a household in the U.S. is more than twice that of Costa Rica and that difference is much more pronounced if you are talking about “campesinos,” or country-folk. So obviously there is going to be less consumption of material things in a country like Costa Rica, as compared to the U.S.

Now, I’m not saying that we should necessarily all live like campesinos…well, maybe I am a little bit saying that.

Truth is, in Costa Rica campesinos live pretty well. For the most part they have decent homes, but without many of the luxuries that are taken for granted in the U.S. They enjoy simple pleasures and live a simple life. In general, they care for and respect the land and find great joy in the natural beauty of Costa Rica. In short, they get along just fine without the vulgar material wealth that many folks in the U.S. consider a birthright of the American dream.

So what I am advocating is a Costa Rica expat paradigm shift. One that takes us away from the idea that happiness can only be measured by how big a house (or houses) we live in. One that awakens a desire to give back rather than take. And yes it can start by changing your personal goals. By changing our goals in life from having more to being more…that is, making choices that make a difference.

I am not saying in the least bit to stop striving to succeed. I believe we should maximize to the fullest extent our ability to do that, but it is what we then do with our “success” that makes the difference. Do we invest it in stuff that only provides personal comfort for ourselves, or in creating a better world?

For instance, investing in some form of renewable energy to supply electrical power to your home could perhaps be a better idea than installing that swimming pool. If the kids want to swim, take the family for a nature hike to a nearby creek or “swimming hole” (hopefully non-polluted) and enjoy both the water and the natural surroundings. Take advantage of the opportunity to teach your kids the importance of keeping nature clean and beautiful.

These days many folks in the U.S. are being forced to get by with less as the result of a rapidly changing economy. Many reacted to this by electing Donald Trump. But is he really the solution?

An emphasis on that is what “expat mindfulness” is all about.

Hey, my book The Definitive Guide to Costa Rica Expat Living is live on Amazon. If you’re thinking about making an escape from the rat-race, whether for political or mental and physical health reasons, or all of the above, The Definitive Guide to Costa Rica Expat Living was written just for you!

Get the Book!

Despite the obvious fact that my blood runneth 100% gringo, often I feel that there’s a “latent latino” inside of me just waiting to burst out.

Even so, I am frequently reminded of the differences, especially by those closest to me.

We gringos just aren’t as warm and fuzzy as latinos. We are more prone to give the cold shoulder. We are not as familiar, or family oriented. We are not as open and inviting. We are impatient. And on and on the list goes.

But if I had to boil it all down to a single trait that distinguishes the gringo from the latino, I would describe it like this…we gringos are infinitely more “hung-up” than latinos.

What exactly does that mean?

It just seems that we have these ideas about the way things ought to be. And if they aren’t that way, well, it makes our blood boil. I’ll call these “Costa Rica expat hangups.”

Case in point is the way latinos, specifically Costa Ricans, view “risk” compared to gringos. For instance, a Costa Rican would not think twice about riding down a busy road on a motorbike with a kid sitting in his lap, perhaps with a helmet, but just as likely not.

You see things like this all the time here. Sometimes if I am transporting a group of gringo tourists and they bear witness to such horror, all will express in unison their outrage, scorn and derision about the “bad parent” risking the life of that poor child. But to the tico, it’s just a way to get from point A to point B.

What’s the big deal?

There are countless other areas I could mention where we gringos tend to be hung-up about things, whereas the ticos will take a more relaxed live and let live attitude.

Does that make “us” right and “them” wrong, or vice-versa?

No, not at all.

It’s just not right for women to dress like that.

It’s just not right for children to behave that way.

It’s just not right for people to hold those view points.

And our airwaves are inundated with Rush Limbaughs, who are more than ready to express outrage about how “those people” are so off-track. You know, the all too prevalent attitude of, this is “America” and we don’t do it that way.

As a by-product of growing up in a hung-up society, I’m sometimes too quick to judge someone as being in the wrong when they take a different approach than what I might deem appropriate to a given situation. That happens a lot here in the business context, as well as in the area of personal relationships.

It’s that notion of “I just can’t get over how they __________”

Well, get over it. Being “right” or being “wrong” just isn’t as big a deal here in Costa Rica as just, well, “being.”

If you want to get truly “latino-ized” (which is a good idea if you plan to live here) you really need to let loose of the Costa Rica expat hangups and take a more relaxed approach to life.

Hey, my book The Definitive Guide to Costa Rica Expat Living is live on Amazon. If you’re thinking about making an escape from the rat-race, whether for political or mental and physical health reasons, or all of the above, The Definitive Guide to Costa Rica Expat Living was written just for you!

Get the Book!

In the famous book by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, the author spreads 30 key principles of influence over its 4 parts. But the one principle that is perhaps most applicable to this Costa Rica expat guide to winning friends and influencing natives is…

Become genuinely interested in other people.

You might think, well that sounds easy. After all, what could be more interesting than immersing in a culture foreign to your own?

If that’s your attitude, then great. Perhaps it will indeed be “easy.”

However, over the many years I’ve lived in Costa Rica, I’ve noticed that many expats, while they might talk of being interested, don’t really live their lives here showing much of it. They patronize the ticos, as if they’re poor souls who need “our help.” They become quite adept at using the ticos, since many services can be obtained at a fraction of the cost for the same ones back home.

But are they really interested? Do they really show any interest? And do the ticos even notice one way or the other?

There are, of course, plenty of reasons we gringos should be interested in the ticos. After all, they consistently are rated as being the happiest group of humans on earth. Moreover, Costa Rica has these so-called “blue zones” where some of the greatest examples of human longevity can be found.

Granted, the tico culture is in some ways similar to any other. Wherever you end up calling home, you will find cliques of locals that are hard to break into. It will take some effort. The ticos will welcome you, that’s for sure, but perhaps not so much with “open arms.” First you will have to endear yourself to them. And that requires that you be interested in them. In that regard, Dale Carnegie offers valuable advice for expat immersion success.

How does one go about doing this? Well, you need to do it in ways that you feel comfortable with, even though initially doing it might make you a bit uncomfortable.

Learning to enjoy their sport, soccer, is vital. More importantly, learning to call it by its proper name, fútbol, can be a great start. Take care not to jump on any one team’s side too quickly. That’s a great way to become endearing to some, while alienating yourself from many others. It’s OK to answer the common question of whether you are for La Liga, or Saprissa (the two historic national rivalry teams) with one or the other, but just don’t be too overly vehement about it.

And, of course, always voice and display rousing support for Costa Rica’s national team, La Selección. You can do this by showing up for the games at popular viewing places, wearing national team colors. And be as vocal in your support as they are. That will win you a lot of respect…believe me!

It goes without saying that learning to be conversational with the Spanish language will go a long way in helping you immerse, win friends, and influence the natives. If you need to take a course, take one. But more than anything else, talk with them. The best way to learn how to actually speak a foreign language is to, well, speak it and speak it often.

I could ramble on in this brief Costa Rica expat guide to winning friends with countless other tips, but they’d all amount basically to just good common sense. The major things to remember are that the ticos deserve your respect, their culture indeed merits your interest, and yes they certainly do notice your indifference.